Dear Blazing Saddles--
I've tried. I've really tried. I've tried to pretend that the people riding your flaming bike seats are cyclists just like myself. I've tried to imagine myself as a San Francisco visitor, and the joy that I would find riding a rented bike across the gusty Golden Gate Bridge. I've given directions to your lost tourist "cyclists" who find themselves pushing their shitty mountain bikes up my steep Castro street. I've tried to laugh at the obviously not-to-scale map that puts Coit Tower and Sausalito just 1/8 inch from each other. I've even gone so far as to give four French cyclists a ride when I discovered them biking up highway one at 9 pm, in what appeared to be ballet slippers. Once again, this potentially fatal error was due to your cartoony, everything is so close in the Bay Area "map."
But I have to draw the line with this week's encounter: A German tourist, wearing no helmet, driving a tandem bike across Golden Gate Bridge while TEXT MESSAGING. His single-handed steering--on a bike he clearly did not know how to ride--landed my spandex clad body against the fence and nearly catapulted me into the frigid bay. Even the new suicide net could not catch all of my anger toward your stupid, negligent company. So thanks a lot, Blazing Saddles, for regularly sending idiots across my bridge.
Love,
Kristin
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