8th Grade

Dear Student:

I get it, you are fourteen. It's a tough age. I try to dress as appropriately as possible so as not to stress your raging hormones. I keep the bosoms in check.

But here's a tip: when you get a spontaneous boner in class, the thing NOT to do, is jump up out of your seat and start shoving your delicates up into your belt buckle. I mean, the belt buckle strategy is generally a good trick, don't get me wrong. But it's better to be subtle about these things.

Hope you work that shit out,

Irene